School of Seshata: For the godfree-gurufree Scribe
Godfree & Gurufree Review of the Bronze Age Bible

by Michel-Camille Bordeau, godfree & gurufree, as you should be!

THE BIBLE is the mythical and mystical retelling of the ultra-quixotic, epic journey of meta-human character referred to as ‘God’—also, YHWH, Elohim, Savior, Lord, Father, and for some traditions Jehovah or Jesus. Character God is the Bronze Age overlord of a vast land stretching from the Eastern most regions of North Africa and the western parts of Asia Minor. This complicated character is a mercurial and often violently impulsive monarch-deity (In the Ancient Egyptian tradition) driven by war, land and slave acquisition, and the absolute subjugation of his subject-followers. In the first part of the Bible alone, this ruthless ruler is responsible for the death of 31 million innocent men, women, and children by drowning, mutilation, rape, torture, burning, or plain execution.

The Bible was written over a period of twelve centuries by thousands of author-scribes from dozen cultural, militaristic, and proto-theological traditions. It is divided in two very distinctive parts known in the Christian tradition as the Old and New Testament. The Old Testament is heavily influenced by Egyptian, Sumerian, Mesopotamian and Greek polytheistic social, cultural, religious, and militaristic traditions. The New testament, which recounts the adventures of Jesus, a carpenter turned amateur shaman/healing-rabbi is a mumbo-jumbo of Hebraic and Roman cultural references.

The story in the New Testament reads like a poorly plotted Greco-Roman tragedy, in which family dysfunction takes a turn for the worst. The narrative is burdened by inane distractions such as water miracles (Romans were great water engineers), psychosomatic healing, crowd confrontations, and implausible self-sacrifices, fake deaths, etc. To their credit, the editors and writers of the New Testament attempted to craft a narrative bridge between character God and Jesus, but many biblical scholars believe that their attempt created additional inconsistencies.

For instance, readers are often puzzled when they read that monarch God is the father of lowly carpenter Jesus although the two characters have been described as living in entirely different times and places, and do not come from the same cast. Also problematic, early on in the New Testament narrative, Jesus morphs into his own alleged father while clearly remaining the son of that father. In short, The Bible is a complicated, complex, disjointed narrative. And though it has great anthropological value for those interested in Bronze Age cultures, it should not be recommended to those with limited reading and comprehension skills.

In conclusion, the Bible lacks cultural homogeneity as well as narrative coherence because it tries to draw from too many disparate sources and tries to create plots out of vignettes that do not fit together. It is a collection of high quality Bronze Age texts, but always seems to have been anthologized without consideration for future readers. The Bible should be treated as mature, esoteric, pre-literary, and proto-historical literature. Parents should be very cautious when they introduce it to their teens, as Bronze Age cultures had yet to give consideration children, women, servants, and foreigner rights.

Last word of extreme caution: blood flows faster than words in the Bible. Therefore, it should never be left in the hands of children and pre-teens. Never! Indeed, children are not developmentally ready and can never be prepared to comprehend the violent world of Bronze Age culture. Parents should not want to expose their loved ones to graphic portrayals and deliberate justifications of children’s mutilation, rape, sacrifice, murder and mass-massacre.

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